Thursday, January 31, 2013
A friend posted this on Facebook tonight and it really jumped out and clamped onto my little heart.
I have always had big dreams. I have always wanted to change the world somehow. I feel my time here on Earth is more than just the ho hum daily grind that so many people give into when they open their eyes in the morning. This pressure I put on myself in itself causes me a lot of daily anxiety. Now, to add to that, try to imagine not just thinking about it but juggling what feels like a million different ideas, projects, business plans, and being your own PR firm, factory, etc. etc. etc., all while counting change to buy gas, eating whatever random things you have in your fridge, like wilted broccoli and canned coconut milk. Oh wait, you already do this? Yea, I guess most people do. It is 2013 after all. Who knows what relaxation is? Or security? Psh....
The early bird gets the worm.
You have to play hard ball to get what you want.
Fight. FIGHT. FIIIIGHT!!!
I am sure many of my crafter friends can relate to this. We work our daily jobs then manage our small businesses behind the scenes into the wee hours of the morning so we can make a few extra bucks. I envy my friends who have a day job then a small creative business on the side. I wish that was good enough for me.
Well, that is not good enough for me. I want to wake up and have a passion for what I do. When I say that, I admit that I mostly mean what I do for "work" because in a perfect world, I would have an endless stream of money that would make all my dreams possible!
No, I do not mean the dream of sitting around and eating massive amounts of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked while sporting a size 2 and watching TV on the biggest flat screen money could buy... although that would be nice. I mean the dream of getting to do all of the things I want that would help my community.
I have plans people!!!
I feel like I am a bird with one damaged wing and all I do is fly in circles. There are SO. MANY. IDEAS!!!! Good ones!!! Potentially REALLLLLY successful ones! Revisiting my anxiety, I watch the minutes pass by and every minute that passes is a minute lost. Those minutes add up pretty fast and then all of a sudden you are curled up in a ball after clearing your desk with your forearm and giving up for the night like a 6 yr old who doesn't want to do spelling words (ahem, can you guess what my day job is?) Throwing a tantrum, being ridiculously over dramatic, then starting fresh the next day, the only difference is that all of the notes you had on the desk are on the floor. Everything is in shambles, and now you have wasted more time cleaning up the mess than if you just threw your hands up and went to bed for the night. You don't do this? Ah.... yes. This is why I have started to meditate because this reflects MY behavior.
Little known fact:
Last year I tried to launch my own summer camp. I spent a ridonkculous amount of money on marketing, almost ALL of my free time planning, promoting, and designing this program. I got my hopes up because of the feedback and response from my community. My heart was racing and I thought.... THIS IS IT! Then, the registration deadline approached and there was nothing but a bunch of empty promises.
Do I blame anyone? No. Am I sad? Yes. Was I scared as hell? YES. Am I a wee bit relieved that it was kind of a fail? YESSS. Will I give up? NO!
I don't know how you are but when I want something, I want it NOW! I am fully aware that I am a spoiled brat and have learned how to get what I want when I want it. When that little magical part of me doesn't work, I freak out. BUT, I have also learned that because I have always been so used to getting what I want or things to work out the way I want them to......I tend to take on way too much and possibly not put ALL the effort into whatever project may be in the works...because poooof it's all going to work out, right? Wrong.
My last post talked about my sweet Peanut. As I mourn, I find that it's easiest to just throw myself into my work and avoid accepting that I have any type of grief. My computer will keep me company. Google is my new friend. But, even though I am getting motivated to tackle a ton of unfinished business, I am hitting those roadblocks again. Time is starting to race past me again. Even though I have a mini panic attack over these silly little things, the moment I saw this photo I became thankful that I have the guts to try. I am not afraid to try and fail. Some people live their lives with all of these amazing ideas trapped in their brain. Imagine if everyone made a little more effort to make their dreams come true.
The world would be a happier place - or the therapists would be RICH!
What are some of your dreams? or what have to tried and succeeded at? Failed at?