Every year I look forward to your arrival and this year was no different.
Anticipation hit at about 11:47 PM this year and I mildly regretted not having plans, again.
To quote my better half, he refers to NYE as "amateur night". As we get older we realize that all of these false expectations lead to disappointment. I tried to remember that as we lay side by side watching his iPhone countdown and as I struggled to get the ball drop streaming on mine....nerds, right?
Midnight hit, we texted each other silly messages (even though he was about 8 inches away from me), we giggled, we kissed, and then we went to bed. I felt happy. Nothing could top this. No matter how much I wanted to be out socializing, I knew this was much better.
What does this have to do with what I am about to write? It has to do with learning, accepting, and cherishing the moments instead of regretting and expecting.
I thought I would start off my first post of the year with an itsy bitsy look into me. As the main author of this blog, I hope to bring more stories, more lessons learned (about life and about business) and inspirational stories. This time in my life is more important than other ones have been for some reason.
-Maybe because I am getting cozy with the idea of my new age decade.
-Maybe it's because I have been in my new town for a year and I feel like it's time to quit goofing off because a lot of my/our future depends on some choices that I make this year.
-Maybe it's because I am coming into my own more now than ever and I want to be happy with who I am.
-Maybe it's because I have decided that it just is for no particular reason.
Who am I and what can I bring to the table for your eyes to pass over? Well, my emotions, my dreams, my inspiration, my energy are all bi polar. It should be a roller coaster of posts and weird stories but my hope is that the ride is at least mildly entertaining and somewhat relatable. Today is a bit of a confession and a look inside. (Just so you know what you are getting into)
Onward........
I have a small creative business that I try to manage in the midst of my insanity. I struggle, I learn, I fail, I feel awful, then I wake up like it never happened.
Some days I am manic with more ideas in my brain then there are minutes in the day. I work, I create, I eat, I skip showers because that takes too much time. Some days I have agoraphobia and I hide under the covers until the day passes and I feel calm enough to sleep. Today I write this blog and browse through the 13 tabs I have open on the top of my browser, all of which are silly, like an African Gray parrot riding a robot, or a job application that is way out of my league. Hilarious! right?
I fear Saturdays because I have too much free time and don't know what to do with it. So I pace, I sleep, I usually cry at least once (I know, freak!) and I wait for the day to be over. Most of the time I am alone. I used to love it and as I get older I love it less, but I still love it at times. I am learning to embrace this weird quirk about me that I don't always understand and one that is possibly my greatest demon.
This morning I read a lovely post about 13 Rules for Being Alone and Being Happy About It.
I would like to highlight a few of my favorites:
- Understand that you’re good enough all by yourself.
It’s very easy to find someone to spend time with, but when you have high standards for the people you allow into your life, you’re telling yourself that you’re better off by yourself than with someone who isn’t a great fit for you.
Cherish every interaction.
- There is no such thing as a boring person. There is no such thing as a boring situation. If you’re ever bored, it’s because you’re not paying attention. This is a problem with you, not with your surroundings.
- Take an interest in every person that comes into your life, even if for only a second. Listen closely to what they say. Watch carefully what they do. Try to understand them as a person. You’ll be better for it.
- Create, create, create.
- When you’re alone, the only one stopping you from creating the art, the work, that you’re capable of is yourself. All excuses are gone. When you’re alone, you can lose yourself in your work. When you lose yourself in your work, you can be sure that you’re creating something truly meaningful.
- Your other option is to ignore that call to create and, instead, look for temporary comfort in things and people who will eventually leave you unfulfilled. Make use of your loneliness.
Go to a movie alone.
This will be awkward at first. If you’re used to going out with others, you’ll wonder what you should do with yourself while you’re alone. Don’t try to hide from the discomfort. Accept it. And then laugh about it because, really, who the hell decided that you weren’t supposed to do these things alone?
Make plans for the future, and pursue them immediately.
The purpose for your life doesn’t need to be complex or earth shattering. It doesn’t have to be big or overwhelming. It only needs to be present. Once it’s there, it gets much easier to make plans you can take action on.
Independence is one quality I cherish about myself. While I feel everyone should experience this high, it's lonely and crippling at times. People see independence intimidating (this is not an assumption but a confession by people I have eventually spoke with.) Others exclude you because you can "deal." After all, you are at home having a one person party just living it up, right? Sometimes striving for success is my only friend.
My goal for 2013 is acceptance. Accepting who I am. Accepting struggles (and not always liking them.) Accepting that I want to be successful and other areas of my life won't always be as I hope. These are all my choices and even though I may whine that they suck.... they are still mine, I chose them, and I need to learn to live with them to be happy.
So I write today to you and to myself.
I vow to cherish the time I spend with others because those moments are few and far between.
I vow to attempt to quit making excuses and feel as if I am missing out on things and create, make plans, and go after them.
I vow to love myself and my whirlwind emotions.
I vow to write things down and share them: successes, failures, support for others, accomplishments (my own and others), and fun stories that I add to my Gratitude Jar.
My wish for 2013 is to be a better me, loving, honest, and real and remember those amazing simple moments like NYE and know that life if good.
What are your goals for this year?
<3
*Would you like to do a guest blog post? contact fartsyarts@gmail.com if you have a story you want to share about ANYTHING!!!!*
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