This morning I woke with a pain in my heart and an emptiness that lingered in my room. As I lay in bed, I tried to console my tears with happy thoughts, memories, and gratitude.
Yesterday, I had to make a very difficult decision to help free my sweet fur baby, Peanut, from pain caused by many health issues.
If you have a fur baby, you understand when I say that they become your children. You live to protect them, you schedule your days around their feeding schedule and make sure to spend ample time with them because the thought of these little creatures feeling lonely breaks your heart. They depend on you like an infant depends on parents. You can't let them down. Yesterday I had to put my selfishness aside and make the hardest decision that a pet parent could ever make. I am at peace knowing he is free from pain but I will forever miss him greeting me, tripping me (I think for his own amusement) keeping my toes warm by laying on them, feeling his nudges when he is begging for attention, and all the other little quirks that made him so special.
This is Peanut. My little child for 5 wonderful years. I am grateful for all of the happy memories we have together. Yesterday, I rifled through all of the photos and videos that I could find. For some this would bring more sadness but for me it helped to see him so happy and reassured me that I gave him the best life I could.
When I look at him, I know the meaning of love. I know what it feels like to be happy and smile at the littlest things at life....like when I would find him sitting in front of his little heater with his eyes closed enjoying the warmth. They remind us that life and happiness is all about the little things that we enjoy.
We spent his last 12 hours cuddling in bed. I stayed up all night to make sure he was warm, felt secure and safe, and gave him more kisses in those 12 hrs than in all 5 years (probably not, but close) and talked to him like he was my best friend. I have a feeling that he understood all that I was saying as he gave me a reassuring nudge that it was OK for me to do what I needed to do for him.
Some of the things I loved about him:
I LOVED the way he smelled. It was a sweet smell that I cannot explain but it was lovely.
I LOVED his little mohawk he had on top of his head. It was silly but oh so soft.
I LOVED the way he would headbutt me when I stopped giving him kisses. He was a bit spoiled.
I LOVED how he would place his little paw on my foot when I was sitting on the edge of my bed. Sometimes I think he did it just so I knew he was there for me.
I LOVED coming in my room and seeing him propped up on the front of the vacuum cleaner, like he was waiting for it to pet him.
I LOVED how he would suddenly know he had to use the potty and take off only to fly into his littler box.
I LOVED his little food dance when I was feeding him.
I LOVED how his butt twitched when I gave him bananas.
I LOVED how he would FLY up the steps like a crazy man.
I LOVED his little sprawled legs when he relaxed.
I LOVED when he did his crazy flips. SO CUTE!
I LOVED when he would bunny snore.
The list could go on forever.
I love that I got to spend 5 wonderful years with him. I see a lot of Peanut paintings in my future. It is also the perfect time to work on my Peanut tattoo idea. I will forever be able to look at this sweet face whenever I want.
Make sure you give your fur babies, human babies, and all people you love a hug today and let them know how happy they make you.
Love to you all! <3
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